Love is a beautiful thing and it is more beautiful when the parties in love are on the right track. This is when the partners in the relationship consider the feelings of the each other. They both tend to avoid hurting each other feelings either in words or in actions. Some words are better not said in a relationship as they can ruin so many things. We are going to be discussing those words in this article.
According to TalkGlitz here are the 10 words you should never say to your spouse:
- You’re Just Like My Ex: Your spouse is not going to find this funny at all, avoid saying it at all course. Whether you are trying to relate your spouse positively with your ex or not, he or she is not going to like it. The question here may be if I am just like your ex why are you with me? Or maybe are you saying I am not better than your past? See dear, you may even say your spouse is awesome just like your ex, he or she will still not like it, so know now that your spouse want a special position in your life not the one someone has occupied before. Your spouse should be very much special too you than your ex regardless of how special the ex may be. The worst is when you are comparing them because they both have a bad habit, oh, dear, you are very wrong here, do not try at all. In a nutshell, don’t in anytime compare your spouse with your ex. The only time you may be allow to talk about your ex is when you are letting him or her know that they are better than your ex.
- I hate you: No matter how hurt, angry or afraid you may feel, hate is a toxic word for your partner. Try: “I love you but I don’t like you right now.” Or say: “I may not be in the best place to hear you right now. I don’t want to say anything hurtful or that I might regret. Could we take a breather and revisit this in a little while?” You may really hurt your spouse feelings if you say you hate him or her, even if you are angry of tensed, do not say the words, ‘ I hate you’.
- I Want A Divorce/Breakup: Just because you are angry with your spouse does not mean you should ask for a divorce (married) or a break (single). You may really hurt your spouse feelings during a conversation or disagreement if you demand this, especially when you know your partner is so in love with you. Don’t say this and come back to say I was just kidding or didn’t mean it. Oh! You just hurt someone with that your joke bro! If you think the relationship is not working, you can say something like, is there anything we are not doing right to make this work? Can we just see if we can re-strategize in this relationship? The statements I cited obviously show that you are not trying to be more disadvantaged, selfish or being hurt by the relationship. With any of the statements, you are trying to put the fault in the relationship on both parties and not just your partner. You are trying to say we can try and settle things and if we can’t get remedy we can go on our separate ways and not just one person breaking the heart of the other. You can also try saying: “I am concerned about some things in our relationship. Can we talk about them? If it feels too difficult to do this on our own, would you go with me to couples counseling?”
- My People Were Right About You: This is unlikely to make things better and can poison your partner’s relationships with other people. Instead, try: “I feel discouraged about what is happening right now. Would you be willing to have a constructive conversation with me about this?” Whether or not what your friends, relatives and family already told you about your spouse seems true or not do not try to say these words to your spouse’s face.
- I’m Not The Problem, You Are: Such a statement is likely to make your partner feel blamed and defensive. Instead, try: “We both are probably contributing to this situation. Can we talk about how to make it better? Avoid making your spouse seems like the problem, if you think he or she is at fault in any way talk things out, your partner cannot be perfect, just help him or her see reasons why the action is wrong and not as if your partner is wrong. Just because your partner did something does not mean he or she is wrong.
- If You Really Loved Me You Would …: Starting your statement with these words may make your spouse think you mean he or she does not love you or you are saying you doubt the love between you guys. Guilt tripping doesn’t foster intimacy and cooperation. Instead, try: “It means a lot to me when you . . .”
- “Whatever!” / “Oh ,Just Forget It”: Most times these words sound very insultive. Instead, try: “I am frustrated. I am having trouble communicating what I want to say. Can we talk about this so that we both feel heard and understood?”
- I Shouldn’t Have To Ask. If You Cared About Me, You Would know…: As much as we may wish that our partners can read our minds and seamlessly give us what we want, this is a child’s fantasy. We can expect our partners to care about our needs but expecting them to know needs which we haven’t articulated is neither realistic nor productive. I said it earlier in my posts on 10 Acts Of Courtesy In A relationship, read on TalkGlitz, that your partner is not a mind reader always try to talk things out than assume your partner should know.
- I Wouldn’t Have Done That: Even though you think your partner should not have done what he or she did, don’t tell him or her you wouldn’t have done such or something similar like I cannot happen to me or cannot be me. You may be painting the wrong picture in the mind of your partner; he or she may feel like you are trying to blame him or her, and then praise yourself.
- Shut Up: Here we come, some people are so used to saying ‘ shut up’ that they don’t even see any big deal in it they say that to their spouses. No matter how you are so used to the words, avoid using it for your spouse. It is like shunning your spouse out totally from the conversation.
Other words worthy of note that you should not say to your spouse are;“Grow up” / “Get over it”, “You Always” / “You Never”, sorry but…, if you don’t like it, leave it.
In conclusion, to maintain a healthy and happy relationship, avoid saying of the above listed words to your spouse.
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