It is often advised that parents should make decisions for their children just because children are prone to being wrong in most of their decisions. This frequently happens when the children are still young or underage. Even in law any legal agreement that will be binding on a child should be signed by any of the parents or the child’s guardian. So, it may be correct that parents should make important decisions for their underage children.
However, when the child is grown, parents should allow him or her make decisions especially decisions that can affect his or life. As a parent when your child is grown and already an adult, you don’t make most of the decision for him or her again, you allow him or her breathe, think and make the right decision for him or herself. The most you should do as a parent is to give your sincerely and thoughtful advice for the situation but for the final decision allow him or her to make it.
Here are the 5 decisions parents should avoid making for their adult children:
- Course To Study: I trust God that when parents read this article they will have a change of mind about imposing course of study on their children. The thing I don’t get when parents are forcing their children to study a particular course is that will they also be studying it will them? Definitely, the answer here is a No! Since you as a parent won’t be studying the course with your child, why will you decide the course for him or her? All you have to do as a parent when it comes to this is just to advice that child, find out if there is any course he or she has in mind. If there is try to know his or her view about the course, then your opinion. If the child insists on that course whether or not you like or agree with it, allow him or her. Also give your support, don’t say I told you to study Banking and Finance, you are the one that wanted law so buy all the books for yourself. This does not just apply to an adult child alone even when it is your underage child that wants to make decision as to the course of study, don’t force decision on him or her. The most you can do to help your underage child here is to take note of his or her abilities, likes, passion, and talents and give your advice based on that. The joy when it comes to underage children is that you can easily convince them when you help them see reasons why the courses suit them more than any other.
- Friends To Have: I understand that parents often want the safety of their children, they go as far as possible to ensure nothing go wrong with them. If possible parents will want to just make and arrange their own kind of living they want for their children and give it to them to live on. The thing here is that there is little you can do when it comes to adults; you need to just allow them. See when your children are now adults, just automatically dethrone yourself from the board of directors of their lives and give yourselves advisory roles. If you are praying parents which is expected that every parent should be, you can also give yourselves praying roles. Allow your children to relate with friends they want to relate with so far you always advice and pray for them. That is why it is good to build a Godly home, making right decision as to friendship will be easier for the children. But in all don’t force friendship on your children; instead tell them qualities they should always look out for in friendship.
- Who To Marry: I Have often seen parents getting it all wrong here, some just try to confer spouses on their children. Some can even decide to use their children as compensation or pay debts, bia (come) when it comes to marriage don’t try to make the decision. Let your children marry the person they love, cherish and the right person for them. You are not the one to decide your children Mr.& Mrs. Right. Let them choose the right spouses for themselves, I think if parents will learn this, it will help resolve a lot of crisis in marriage. I have parents also saying stuff like I won’t tell you who to marry but don’t marry from that state or tribe. Please, I am not getting something, what would you have said to make it look like you are the one deciding? You are already deciding my dear parents because you are already pointing them to your will, except if it is irreconcilable issues do not point such to your children when it comes to their marital journey. I have seen some adults in Nigeria telling me that my parents said I must marry Igbo like myself, Yoruba like myself and all. This is very wrong, because as a parent you have a wrong experience with someone from a state or tribe does not mean that everyone from the state or tribe is wrong.
- When To Marry: I hope many parents will hearken to this, you are not the one to decide when your children are ripe for marriage. Stop frustrating them to marry because you think they are mature enough to marry. The thing is that there are many things to look into before marriage, you may probably be looking at the fact that they are old enough or rich enough but I think they may be lacking something or other things needed for marriage. Instead of always frustrating them with ‘”go and marry” suggest about getting married to them and hear their responses out.
- How Many Children To Have: Lastly on this, parents should avoid deciding for their children on the number of children they should give birth to. Don’t say because I was able to give birth to just a child, that child must give birth to many children for me. If the child give birth to many children or not, just allow him or her. Also here I will point that as parents don’t start rushing your children to give birth. Saying something like you have being married for 2 years now, you should give birth is not allowed. See, your children may decide to or not be able to give birth based on their personal reasons. Don’t fight them for it, just love and continually pray for them.
Worthy of note here also is that do not decide the profession or job to do what your children.
Summarily, parents are advised to always let their adult children make crucial decisions just as the above listed and not try to intimidate or compel their children to do their wills.
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