A lot of women aspire to be baby mamas to some of the biggest celebs. Here are some tips to help you succeed. ‘Tis the season of baby mamas, ladies! For those who might be interested in the ‘business’, here’s how to start up and pave the way for a successful journey in your chosen career path.
1. Be hot
This is a no brainer. Everyone knows only hot people get immediate attention, especially when all the looker is interested in doing is smashing. If you’re the type that has gone your whole 20 something years on earth without having ever been called hot or sexy or asampete, then please read no further. This is the point where you choose a different career path.
2. Relocate to Lagos
Obviously! No one needs to tell you that Lagos is the home of all the important celebrities. You gotta be here, or you might as well just give up on the dream entirely.
Safe trip, baby girl.
3. Dress to entice at all times
As earlier mentioned, your goal is to be as appealing as humanly possible. What better way to do this than to deck up in your most provocative outfits? In fact, you have no business owning decent clothes. I hear Kim K is giving out some of her old clothes. You might want to apply.
4. Make friends with the right kinds of girls
You know those groupies whose sole-aim in life is to frolic with popular people and just brag about it? Yep. Those are your new best friends. The will show you the way. Go find them and start painting the town RED!
5. Be a regular at the most popping clubs in town
Yes, that’s your best bet if you want to become the new hotcake for these young men with enough semen to distribute. They love hanging out and having nice drunken parties at popular clubs and bars. Need help with some names?
6. Be very bold and daring
You know, sometimes they’re too preoccupied with your colleagues (you’re not the only aspiring baby mama around) so you might need to do something that makes you stand out. What was the first vulgar thought that popped in your head? Yes, that’s it! The wilder, the better. These guys will be fighting for your attention in no time.
7. Be smart enough to hold good conversation
Girrlll! Now you have the man’s attention. What’s the next step? Yeah, you got that right: keeping it. You don’t want them losing interest in you seconds after you’ve given them the wildest lap dance they’ve ever received from a total stranger, do you? Talk that talk. Some of them are actually smarter than they look, so they might be nodding a little harder when you start comparing Obama’s presidency with Buhari’s.
8. Make sure your famzing skills are top notch
Famz everyone around you – boy, girl, man, woman, bartender. You don’t know who might lead you to your baby’s future daddy.
9. Make sure you’re around when they’re drunk and out of control
This is the time when their whole body is on fire. Seduce them. Rub their backs, their heads, their you-know-whats. Before you know it, you’ll be rolling in the hay (or the toilet as the case may be)
10. Never ever use a condom
This is the most important part. But if the guy is not drunk enough and really just insists, suggest strapping him on. You can always use your teeth to puncture a teeny weeny hole in
the little condom.
There you have it. Your steps to becoming the next big thing. If you have followed these 10 steps to the letter and still fail, it only means one thing; your mother’s prayers are working. Go and get yourself a proper job.
3 Comments
This is not funny o. In the name of hustle?
And some ladies will be jumping up at this. I pity your life. You only die once
Another title for this post, “UNILAG RUNZ 101”